Easing The Anxiety of Mommy-Separation

Sandra and I both have 2 completely different stories when it comes to our personal experiences with our babies and their separation anxiety from mommy.

So, when Kimberley Clayton Blaine, the TheGoToMom.TV, and Child Development expert spoke with SafBaby on this subject, it was interesting to see exactly how right-on her advice was in comparing our different situations.

Kimberley Blaine suggests getting your baby into a child care situation either before 13 months, or after 20-24 months.

The reason being that in this age of “toddler-mode,” there is clearly a distinguished difference between baby and mommy. So there is increased resistance, increased anxiety, and more tears and separation issues for the toddler. Baby now knows she is separate from mom, and wonders if mom is coming back.

A young baby on the other hand is accustomed to having their needs met, but they have yet distinguished, and completely cut themselves off from mommy. So when a caregiver is introduced before about one year of age, there is no difference – their needs are still met, and the experience of separation anxiety is far less.

“This increased anxiety and buckets of tears is not harmful”, says Kimberly, but can be quite stressful for mom to see. Thankfully, after the age of 2, it is much easier. The toddler may very well just run out of mom’s arms and into the playful environment of child care.

This is hopefully words of encouragement if your toddler is between 13 and 20-24 months old, and experiencing major separation issues.

This was the case for Sandra and her baby girl. “It was challenging to see my baby so emotional in our separation. She cried uncontrollably, and would not let anyone (except daddy) even come near her.” After reading up on the physiology of separation anxiety (and comforted now in knowing Kimberly’s advice), Sandra has chosen to work with the needs of her baby girl first, waiting until the recommended age of 2 to try the separation again.

Her job entails working from home, so thankfully she has the space to do this. In doing so, Sandra feels that she is nurturing her baby girl to be a happy and self-confident toddler. Now, at 20 months, her baby is beginning to open up, and Sandra is noticing that the separation anxiety is beginning to fade.

So, Kimberley Blaine’s expert advice on the window frame of working with separation anxiety has shown to be very true in both of our situations.

For me, by the time my baby girl was 6 months old I was more than ready to get back to teach yoga and dance. At 6 months old my baby girl could then go to Child Watch at the local YMCA, which fit our family’s need perfectly since daddy was sometimes gone flying helicopter.

I started out doing a couple of classes a week, so my baby slowly eased into it. Two hours a week, one hour at a time. It seemed to go smooth at first. And it definitely helped (my peace of mind) that the Child Care staff at this particular YMCA (Medford, OR) were exceptional women! Every mama’s dream for a Child Care staff.

So from 6-8 months everything went great. And then at 8 months it was like a light had gone on, and my baby girl really understood that there was a separation between the two of us. They actually had to come get me out of class two days in a row because she would not stop crying for me. As soon as I got her in my arms, the wailing stopped.

This happened to be the last 2 days of me being at that YMCA, because we moved to California from there. So, how that would have unfolded if we were to have stayed, I am not sure. But a few months later I had begun teaching again, Kaili was almost 11 months old, and she was back in Child Watch, anywhere from 1 to 5 hours per week. At first she cried when we parted, but minutes after I had left the room she would be fine. Now at 17 months, after consistently being use to this routine from 11 months on, she does amazing! She waves goodbye, and off she goes with a smile on her face.

Kimberly sweetly reminds parents to check the need of your baby first, and of the parent’s second. She also teaches that we can raise our kids in a very easy way if we know a few main points about Child Development.

Kimberly Blaine’s show, The Go-To-Mom, is based on how to speak to children, how to communicate with them, and how to respect them. To see more of her, go to TheGoToMom.TV . 

Tags: separation anxiety

Category: 0-1 yr, 1-3 yrs, Development