Safe Alternatives for Baby and Child

Elizabeth Pantley, bestseller author of The No-Cry Sleep Solution, does a phenominal job on providing gentle ways to encourage good behavior WITHOUT wining, tantrums and tears in her book The No Cry Discipline Solution.

I am so glad we found this book!   Especially helpful having a 3 year old!  The methods Elizabeth presents are easy to follow.  Implementing them I am able to keep calm and in control and has been especially helpful for me in making better long-term decisions.

It may seem hard at first deprogramming your reactions to tantrums and whining because it’s always easier to give in and avoid tantrums.  But you’ll be amazed by how when you positively change your parenting methods, how your child will willingly cooperate.  This enjoyable book will help you do all that and then some!

Of course there will be time we all loose our patience and make mistakes but this book will help you understand your child better and give you tools to be a better and more understanding parent.

We are so happy to present to you our review of Elizabeth’s book, with a bonus addition of an exclusive SAFbaby interview too.  The additional tips she sweetly offers her are wonderful and you will probably be able to them today.

Showing Our Children Empathy

I told my husband to read this book, it gives so many valuable tips, is easy to read and has great examples parents can relate too.

Empathy is probably the #1 thing we as parents need to learn: ALWAYS put yourself into your child’s shoes. Are they having a melt down because they’re tired, sick, going through a big change, in need of a routine or are overstimulated?

I like this note from the book: “The next time your child misbehaves by having a temper tantrum, hitting a friend, or yelling at you – instead of looking at him and thinking  “What a brat!”, you can instead think, “Whoa. This child is seriously lacking emotional control.”

You can step back, calm down, and understand that it’s not a lack of parenting skills and it’s not a defect in your child’s personality, it’s just ordinary human growth.

Your child doesn’t whine, fuss, and have temper tantrums because she’s trying to manipulate you.  She isn’t purposely being “bad”.  She doesn’t misbehave just to make you angry. Your child’s misbehavior is a direct result of the fact that she cannot control her emotions. This is biologically, psychologically, and absolutely normal.”

Just a simple example: My daughters tantrum are usually when she’s tired, when she’s hungry she gets extremely moody and cranky. Bringing healthy snacks she loves when I am out with her helped avoid these situations, I also do not shop at grocery stores before lunch or dinner time or nap times, it’s just too hard on both of us.

The No Cry Breaks It Down

I find the 4 steps of Discipline so helpful:

1. Correct immediate behavior

2. To teach a lesson

3. Give tools that build self-discipline

4. Build parent/child relationship

The author also recommends: A real challenge is as a parent to be conscious in every moment, especially, to use positive cooperation words instead of negative fighting works like “don’t hit” or no, you can’t have this”, instead of “you can have a apple instead” or “be gentle with the cat”.

Handling Tantrums Gracefully

This book helped me to find some creative ways to avoid major tantrums and meltdowns, here is one example:

We had to catch a plane at the airport, my daughter and I were late and we had a long way to walk. She was a little cranky and tired and I needed the stroller for my heavy hand luggage. So I told her “remember the movie Bolt and how he was running to save Penny?”. She had a big smile on her face and said “yes”. Then I said “Show me how Bolt is running and let’s pretend Penny is in the plane we have to catch.” And she pretended to be Bolt and run all they way to the plane for almost 15 minutes. Only few minutes after take off she was exhausted and took a happy nap.

I really like the ‘mother-speak’ or ‘father-speak’ examples in the book, it just makes you feel better as a parent when you know others are going through the exact same thing.  These examples are laid out so beautifully in this MUST HAVE book for all parents and caregivers of any sort.

Furthermore examples and tips are even charted, giving parents a very accessible way to utilize these parenting skills that turn discipline into a positive, affirming experience by offering a collection of proven techniques that you can custom-tailor to your child’s unique personality!

Managing Your Own Anger As A Parent

This chapter alone is worth its weight in gold!  The 6 basic steps on how to calm down are priceless! l also like the specific solutions at the end of the book for every day problems

Our Interview With No-Cry Discipline Author Elizabeth Pantley

First we just have to say, with Elizabeth being a mom to 4 children herself, we are so honored she has taken this time to share with us in her heart-felt expertise on raising good children.

Sometimes my husband and I experience our daughter’s tantrum together, should just one parent discipline her or both do the 4 steps?

It’s usually best if one parent step in when discipline is necessary. Two or more adults chiming in to correct a child can create stress and confusion.

If a child is extremely tired, is it a waste of time to discipline them?   Should I wait until the next day instead?

It’s likely that the reason your child is misbehaving is the tiredness!  Keep in mind that a tired or hungry child has less control of her emotions.  Correct the situation, keep your comments short and to the point, and then find your child a snack. Save any major discussions for later.

Can you teach your child discipline by giving them early chores?  What age is good to start and what kind of chores are appropriate?

Assigning children household chores is one of the best ways to build self-esteem and a feeling of competence. Regular chores establish helpful habits and good attitudes about work. Having chores also teaches valuable lessons about life and creates an understanding that there are jobs that must be done to run a household.

Choose age appropriate jobs for children based on their physical and mental abilities. Most parents underestimate their child’s abilities in this area. Keep in mind that a child who has mastered a complicated computer game can easily run the dishwasher! Preschoolers can handle one or two simple daily jobs, such as feeding a pet. Older children can manage two or three daily jobs along with one or two weekly jobs.

One of the biggest challenges is getting a toddler dressed or ready for bed. I love your ideas of making a puppet out of a diaper or washcloth.  I tried the talking washcloth and it worked immediately! Do you have some more creative examples?

Offer your child a choice, such as, “What would you like to do first, put on your pajamas or brush your teeth?”

Use humor to gain cooperation. A bit of silliness can often diffuse the tension and get your child to cooperate willingly.

Play a cooperation game. “I’m going to set the timer for ten minutes. I wonder if you can beat the bell and get your pajamas on before it rings?”

Even if you can’t carry a tune, putting anything to music makes you easier to listen to and fun, too. You can wash your child’s hands while singing  “This is the way we wash our hands, wash our hands.”

It’s hard to have a conversation with my husband at dinner time without being interrupted by our 3 year old constantly – she wants all the attention. We usually tell her that it is rude to interrupt us and that she can talk once we’re done but it never works. Any tips?

Teach your children how to determine if something warrants an interruption, as they may have a hard time deciphering when interruptions are justified.  Discuss examples of when it’s okay to interrupt, such as when someone is at the door, or if a sibling is hurt.

Teach “The Pantley Squeeze”: Tell your child that if she wants something when you are talking to another adult, she should gently squeeze your arm.  You will then squeeze her hand to indicate that you know she is there and will be with her in a minute. At first, respond quickly so your child can see the success of this method. Over time you can wait longer, just give a gentle squeeze every few minutes to remind your child that you remember the request.

Why is “time out” time so important?

Here’s something on the topic from The No-Cry Discipline Solution:

Time Out isn’t a magic answer to all discipline problems, and if overused it can lose its effectiveness. However it can be a valuable, positive parenting tool when used selectively and in conjunction with all of the other skills discussed in this book.

Time Out works because it interrupts a child’s negative behavior, separates him from the problem or situation that is igniting his emotions, and allows him to calm himself down. Putting a child in Time Out also has a purpose for a parent – it allows you to separate from a youngster whose behavior is upsetting you, so that you can calm yourself down as well.

Keep the following tips in mind when using Time Out for your child:

• Use a safe, boring location for Time Outs to occur. A child-safe bathroom, laundry room or vacant corner is a good choice. Avoid using a child’s bedroom or playroom for this purpose.
• There are two ways to decide how long to keep a child in time out.  The common rule of thumb is one minute per year of age, which matches well with a child’s age-related maturity. The second option is to keep him there until he is calmed down, which could be less or more than the minute method.
• If your child cries, complains or stomps while in time out – let him.  He is upset, and he should be. Don’t allow swearing or destructive behavior, but do allow him to be mad.
• If your child comes out of Time Out and repeats the behavior that sent him there in the first place – return him to Time Out. And again. And again. He will learn that that the behavior is unacceptable and that you mean what you say.

WE CAN’T THANK ELIZABETH ENOUGH FOR HER TIME!  I have already been incorporating the above tips with great success but the book is PRICELESS!  The hand squeeze for respectful interruptions is one my 3 year old daughter loves to use.  Puts a big smile on her face, and mine too.

We recommend The No-Cry Discipline Solution to parents and caregivers everywhere!  Elizabeth Pantley additionally has no-cry books on these subjects and the information in them are incredible valuable, you have to see for yourself:

• The No-Cry Sleep Solution
• The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers
• The No-Cry Nap Solution
• The No-Cry Potty Training Solution

Looking for a gift for a baby shower?  All of these books will prove to be nurturing tools to help mom and dad raise enjoyable and good human beings.

About the ‘No Cry’ Author Elizabeth Pantley

Parenting educator Elizabeth Pantley is president of Better Beginnings, Inc., a family resource and education company. Elizabeth frequently speaks to parents at schools, hospitals, and parent groups around the world. Her presentations are received with enthusiasm, and praised as realistic, warm and helpful.

She is a regular radio show guest and frequently quoted as a parenting expert in newspapers and magazines such as Parents, Parenting, Woman’s Day, Mother & Baby, Today’s Parent and Good Housekeeping  and on hundreds of parent-directed Web sites. She publishes a newsletter, Parent Tips, which is distributed in schools, doctor’s offices and parent programs everywhere. She is the author of ten popular parenting books, available in 24 languages.

Elizabeth and her husband, Robert live in the state of Washington, USA, along with their four children, Angela, Vanessa, David, and Coleton, and Grama (Elizabeth’s mother.)

For more information, excerpts, parenting articles, and contests visit the other pages of the author’s website at Pantley.com/elizabeth

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